False prophets

..........Out of curiosity and ofcourse pressure from my mother, I hopped on a bus to Oshogbo. I had to see this prophet everyone was talking about, he's a marital pastor "so to speak". Besides my mum was bothered I never brought a man home so she encouraged this visit.

The road was narrow and lonely, the sun burning my beautiful skin and ofcourse I had to go fasting so I was mad hungry. The structure stood by itself on a hill.....I entered the church premises, some young boy led me into the church and asked me to wait while he gets 'baba'.  Baba walked in holding a mat, candle and olive oil. He started to ask me questions: do I have a boyfriend, do I have sex, when was the last time i had sex? Then he started preaching of how bad it is to have premarital sex and the dangers surrounding it.....duh! everyone knows that, anyways I played along answering all questions so not to offend the "man of God".

It was time for the prayers, I knelt down on the mat and he started praying, skabashing......he later made me stand up and laid his hand on my head, then he started pushing me since the holy spirit supposedly did not make me fall into a trance or whatever he was expecting, he had to force it. It was a long struggle and i gave in. I was laughing within me. It was classic.

The session ended and he told me how to use the olive oil and candles, thank God there's no soap. He mentioned paying my tithe to him, I collected the account number and stuff but never went back. Wetin i dey find...abegi!!

My curiosity was satisfied.....it's a complete crappy thing I just did and journey to Oshogbo was just a waste of my time.


.........Her son left for school and never came back, 15 years have passed and no word. Is he dead or alive?.....the wait is painful but she is over it or so she thought until she jumped at the idea of an alfa visiting her home to help call her son home. It was meant to be a big return.....

Anything of his was required, a picture, cloth or anything he had used in the past....a picture surfaced. He prayed and asked the woman to pray as well for 15 days (number of years he's been gone for). She prayed fervently. He requested for white cloth, chicken and some money. She gave it all, anything to bring her son back.....this is 3 years after, her son has not surfaced.

Pain and frustration....an opening for false hope and prophets.


.........Everyone is doing well, they work in oil servicing companies or running their own business. They were travelling round the world with their families without hassle.

Her life is stagnant, she was dependent on her family for everything, she isn't getting any younger and she needs to stand alone at least, all the insult was enough, she's tired. She told a friend about it and proffered a solution....'visit my pastor, he'll help with any financial trouble you think you have, he has helped me in my time, i just had to fast and pray within the church for 7 days'. That seems easy enough...introduce me abeg!

She got her own private room somewhere around the church. The 1st 3 days was tiring because she had to fast (dry fasting), the other 4 will be white fast (no meal with pepper or oil).

By the 6th day, she was too tired to even pray, the pastor allowed her a break..."go to bed" he said. She didn't hear the door open neither could she fight off the huge man lying ontop of her, forcing his way into her pants....he covered her face while he raped her.

She didnt get pregnant nor tested positive but there was this rash on her "punani" that just refused to go away even after all the treatment.....she went to see this prophet with with one problem, came back with another.

Laziness......a sure window for the devils messenger!

Be careful and never relent in your prayers to the one true God.

The darkside

Sitted in a corner sipping my Martini..some dude walked up to me with the usual line "can i buy a pretty lady another drink".... why not i say. We drank, talked and we ended up in his place. It was fun. Nothing to it.

Beautiful afternoon, i was walking on the beach with my yellow 2 piece bikini, very wide hat and dark shades. It was a lovely afternoon for a stroll and i really wanted to be alone, just wanted to feel the breeze on my body and the sand through my toes...oh well, it was interupted by some kid who wandered away from his folks and was crying for help, he screamed so hard i could hardly hear myself breath,  spanked him so hard....Jeez, he's taking away my moment. 'buzz off lil' one" i yelled.... . I guess we'll be watching on the 7 o'clock news "missing child"...we have heard enough of those already. What do i care, keep your babies close!

In the office, meeting with some people from South Africa about a new development we were thinking about doing with the Lagos state government. The lady from accross the table seemed very pretty...red lips, tanned skin, round bossom, long fingers and she kept winking at me. Oh well, i always thought of swinging both ways and yes, i did that night. Her fingers really came in handy.....

Jet skiing....great sport, dangerous because i can't swim but who cares, we only live once, we all get to die somehow, someday. Anyways, i prefer to do this late in the evening and well i ran over some guys in a canoe. Thank God i didn't fall off or get injured but damn, they ruined my jet ski...they should have lights, They paid dearly, i didn't care how.

Cute dude she's dating. My kind of man. He travels alot and hey so do i. We hooked up, had fun and well he's not so great in the sack. Wonder what my friend sees in him. Not so fun while it lasted. I didnt regret it. Not like she's ever going to find out anyways.

In a class of 10, everyone spoke up about there intimate issues, what keeps them going and how they go about it. I sit on hot coal to ease tension (wierd aint it) To take away pain, i endure pain...thats how i see life. Deal with it.

This are confessions of a twisted Nigerian lady. Watch out for more......

Friends.....hmm!

Walking to my estate gate on a Wednesday morning. It was going to rain and i didn't have my umbrella, thought of going back home but it was going to be a busy day. In my panicky state, a 2008 Honda civic parked in front of me. I was going to walk past it when the dude wound down and asked if i needed a ride...."hell yea" i said in my mind. I hopped in, said 'hello, thank you so much' and started looking out the window.

It was really quiet and i was deep in my thoughts when he decided to break the silence.My name is Seun he said, i work with MTN. You? I answered and we kicked off a converstaion. We talked, made some jokes, laughed....we connected. He dropped me off at work and yes we exchanged numbers.

He started calling me everyday from our first encounter, least time spent on the phone was 25mins....we talked for hours. Then we decided to see again. He came towards my house then we took a stroll around my estate just chatting on and on.

Oh! forgot to mention he's married and has a 5 year old son. Sucker made me like him first before letting out that detail about himself. Anyways, its not like i'm goona sleep with the dude, we can be friends and friends we were until that beautiful morning i got a call from some chick.....she didnt say her name but she stated loud and clear she was his wife. Hi Mrs. Idowu i said calmly, i didnt need to fret, i wasn't guilty of anything. "I have your shoes but i want to give it to you in person". WTF!!! I said ok and nothing further. Apparently, i had forgotten my shoes in his car the previous day.

I called him immediately with this development, i didn't want any wahala. He said authoritatively it couldnt be his wife....oh well! sort it out, i don't give a hoot if it's your maid.

She called back to apologize. She was going to give him my shoes for onward delivery to me. She saw the shoes and got jealous. She was his girlfriend. Shuuu, Panadol for another woman's headache, what would his wife have done then? Bathe me with hot oil?.......better i keep my distance, i smell serious trouble and i did. I don't want sand in my ijebu garri.

Seun and I are still cool but a word for the wise 'run while you still have your skin'. That i have done.

In different bodies

...Cute, handsome, tall, caramel skin, beautiful eyes, great dentition, bald head. A good listener, never mocks you when you  make a mistake but corrects you, generally fun to be with. Loves music and classic movies. An atheist, he snores and not so great in the sack (you know what mean).

....Fair skin, brown eyes, pink lips, very dark hair, nice British accent. Earns well, drives a porshe cayenne. Loves his watches, keeps a collection infact (very materialistic). Fun to hang out with, likes to party, not so into movies but enjoys sports (basketball and tennis). Self centred mama's boy and chooses his wine before of any other thing.

.....6 ft 3'' tall, body like Shemar Moore(hope he still looks hot), eyes like Chris Hemsworth, smile like Tom Welling (Kent of smallville), ass like Brat Pitt (hope you all saw it in Troy). Business mogul, likes his money but puts his woman first. His lady before the games, the boys, some meetings, even himself. A christian and he believes in love. He snores, unfortunately has mouth odour, and said one time he can't father a child!! (Jesux, for an African woman he would have been perfect!!!)

....Great body, loves music, movies, football, beer, his friends, his space. Church goer, self dependent, yaps when you make mistake, emotionally disconnected, selfless, very restless and impatient but kind and quite loving. Never jealous and expects  you to understand everything going on around (like some genius ehn). Quite comfortable, only gives when you ask.....blah blah blah.

......5"4, really cute baby face, keeps an afro(thinks it makes him look tall). Christian (choir), very funny dude. Boxing and tekwondo are his favorite sports. Talks too much, Chris Tucker is heaven beside him. Likes his women...women!!!

.....Son the the devil, playboy, smokes like a chinmey, likes rock music, very loud. Has the best cars, he never holds back on his spending. Comfort is very important.

Anyway, my point is we say to ourselves.....i have my spec, if he isn't tall, dark and handsome it's a no go! forgetting other attributes that make a true man. Then we get older and say to ourselves, "anyone God gives us jere!" That's a statement of a tired desperate woman sha! **my opinion**

What exactly do we want?

Girl next door

She's just a princess. Christina.............Princess Christina.

Beautiful in and out. You can share your life with her and be at ease because you know your secret is safe. Her word is her bond. Open minded, free spirit, loves the life and lives it to the fullest (when she can). Hate rub off's, snitches, cheapskates, opportunist. Greatest weakness is food. Favourite person in the world is her mum 'omo mummy'.

Absent minded sometimes but effective when needed. Easily bored, thank God for google, blogs and online shopping...

Not perfect but close to flawless, beautiful fair skin, dark short hair, brown eyes, cute nose, smile like heaven (no homo), on her way to having the perfect teeth, shape like an hour glass...well almost like an hour glass.

Loves yellow.

She's a worthy to be called a friend....Princess Christina.

Principal Cheryl.......another wonderful person. Speaks so fast, you'll thank God you listen to Chris Rock and Eddie Murphy! Has a huge heart. Listens when you hurt, always gives a soulder for you to cry on. Principled, strong willed, quite temperamental but  quick to forgive.

Loves purple.

She's in my life as a friend and a mother figure.

She's very dear to me.

Both sweet people...if you ever meet them, do not be afraid, they are specially made and will leave a print in your life.

Love you peaches.

A wish

We make different wishes everyday...mine has been the same everyday for the past ten years!


"Take me back to the 17th December, 1999"

All was well, families maintained the responsibility to take care of their own and show as much love as they could to extended family. We maintained a reasonable distance but accesible when needed, that distance was required. No one plans for bad things to happen but God has given us the strength to overcome when this challenges come up.

They all wanted what they assumed was there. Tension and panic arouse from every corner for no just cause. Hate was the order of the day. Prayers was all we had. Friends fled. Nothing seemed to work. A minute dragged like a year.

We pulled through. God used colleagues and kingsmen in our favor.

They tried, for years they tormented us. They pushed really hard to break us, the bond was as hard as rock, nothing was going to come in between. They became angry, started fighting and killing themselves. God was at work, they waged war against themselves. They broke their own homes. We were left alone.

Time passed. We built. God blessed us. The light at the end of the tunnel became brighter. We were ontop somehow. It was God., jusy God. We became a bright tower for others,

So called friends and family came back with tails in between their legs. It was never the same. We forgave, but have not forgotten. All is well.

A wish..... that he could watch from the other side and watch how we struggled and made it together. He will be proud.

My desk

Give me one person that has not fallen a victim of sleep in public places.............waiting for those hands o! None i want to believe. In meetings, sessions, church service, gisting with mummy or at your desk!

There was this one time i almost fell off my desk because i was sleeping...not just sleeping but dreaming (i bet i snored a little too). I and my chair was close to the ground when i woke up. I mean, what kind of excuse does one give for that kind of behavior (i wanted to pick something from the ground :) )

I used to have a picture of my boss sleeping with her mouth open....this was around 1.30pm. Sure her winch made me loose that phone.

Some people take coffee, some take a walk, some just give in and decide to dose a while(bad choice) but I.......I just take a walk to the rest room, use some air freshener, close the seat and you can imagine the rest.

I can't come and kill myself bo!

The event

Have you ever attended any occassion and you feel under/over dressed? Or you want to go out and you realise you don't have the right outfit for that occassion, whereas prior to now, you have prided yourself in your wardrobe, but now its quite glaring there's nothing  to be proud about in it.

Imagine a timid, indoor kind of girl gets the opportunity to attend an award, say 'The Headies' ....now a problem because you've gone through every magazine even google to find a perfect outfit....Jeez, its a demanding task especially when you pride yourself in your looks, who doesn't?

Or you have to hang out with the girls, now a different ball game. Beach or mall? Movies or bawling? Lunch or jet skiing? or just drinks at a bar? All different outfits :) A womans world....plenty wahala!

Advise....when you shop, create a list:

1. Coporate wears

2. Casual wears - dress down fridays

3. Casuals (I guess this is where the jeans and tank top falls)

4. Evening wears

5. Party clothes (define if it's the  proper owambe or birthdays and the likes)

6. Church clothes

7. Travel clothes

Sure there's a whole lot to add but you fill them in the comments sect.

Remember you need matching shoes too....oga gan oo!!

Men go through this too....you say no? Ask Denrele

Devils mission.....

Sit down to think....what actual value does movies add to our lives?

We spend between 40 mins - 3 hours (even more when watching a series)...we cry, laugh, get pissed when its a really dumb movie and you had to pay 1,500 to watch it, chei!

I'm a movie lover but many times i ask myself, what pleasure do i derive from them. Whats the ultimate goal i tend to achieve? Especially with all this Illuminati and free mason promotion going on this days.

The devil carefully slips into our lives with our eyes wide open. Try to link this.......kal'el's (superman) arrival on earth with the angels sent out of heaven or you can read up on Ben10 and the associated aliens (catching the children young isn't he). Many of the demons in movies and cartoons have names linked with demons mentioned in the bible.

Are you familiar with the symbols of Illuminati? Check out the Olympics grand closing.....


 

He's getting to people through fashion, music....you can read the link below, i found it captivating.
http://beginningandend.com/the-rise-and-fall-of-kanye-west-illuminati-superstar/

Whatever we do, lets just remember that the devils mission is to kill, steal and destroy and he wont come down in flames with fumes in his mouth and horns to do this.....he is corny and is already having his way.

Watch and pray!

I had a dream

I was on my way home from a day out with my dear friends, some of us were drunk silly but i was the captain in my ride plus the driver ofcourse, it had been an eventful day.

We had gone bowling, watched a movie, ate good thai food and boat skiing....it was a day to remember. On the same day, i had a fight with my boyfriend about him been impassionate and forgetful plus always putting himself first and as usual his answer was "sorry" like that was going to change anything. I was in rage and said some nasty things, at that point i had wished not to see him ever again.

We went home in separate cars at different times.

We were close to chevron when i saw a ghastly accident...one car was under a huge craine, another on the side of the road, burning, and his car upside down in a fence just by the road. My heart literally stopped, i couldnt breath for at least a minute, my heart was racing and i had turned green. No one could have survived this kind of accident i said to myself, my sweetheart was gone. My own wierdo, a man i love as much as i do myself. Oh my! my last words had come to pass, i woudn't be seeing him again for real. Life without him would be different with less color. I wish i could just turn back the hands of time and take it all back...i really didnt mean anything i said, i was just angry and irritated at that time.

I was in tears wrapped around my friend as she tried so hard to console me when someone tapped my shoulder....it was my sunshine. Dear God, i just stood there frozen, i opened my mouth but nothing came out...i was reaching out to hug him when i woke up and found him there, lying by my side fast asleep. I was dreaming....

It felt so real because i woke up crying and with a headache.

I went on my knees and prayed fervently...... indeed i was grateful that my baby was safe and sound and i made a promise that day, no matter how angry or upset i get...i'll rather speak as nicely as possible or not speak at all. Anyday could be our last....i love him so much to allow anything go wrong.

Dreams and Destiny

Dreams!! I've always dreamt of how my tomorrow will be...often times than not, the days turnout affects my dream for tomorrow.

As of now, i just want to own a jet and fly around the world, stay in the best hotels located in the most exotic cities (who says i shouldn't dream big, the bigger the better). Tomorrow i might want a baby and cute hubby around me all day long, and the day after, oh well, dreams do pop up!!

Real dreams though, set targets, certain objectives; are they really necessary if you believe in destiny? People meet at loggerhead when they talk about dreams and destiny.

My take is you have a dream and make it a reality then it becomes your destiny. Can you tell me now that suicide bombers are destined to kill themselves for no just cause or out of share stupiduty? or women today are destined to marry wife beaters or men whore?

I'm a realist! i see, touch, smell then i believe its real, except in religion which is more in-depth.

Imagine - ''one applies for different jobs day in day out and finally gets a good one that comes with a beautiful pay cheque, and after 10 years of labor and investments, fire takes away the car, house and the job all in 4 months. One tries to patch things up but it all seems difficult and 3 months after, the person comits suicide''. Tell me, is it his destiny to live a life like that or a dream come true but cut short due to unforseen circumstances?

Or the common story many of us heard about the girl butchered by her boyfriend in Lekki...tell me it was written somewhere that she would reach a certain point in her relationship and her boyfriend will see her as a goat and butcher the life out of her.

Whats your take - Dreams and destiny.

Scary and true!!

You never believe until you see what people go through to earn a living or have a meal on a daily basis.

Imagine one is born and raised in Jos, Plateau State; struggling to earn a living, trying so hard to feed the family, stay in a slum and have no one to run to for help but a daily run around in the market, carrying goods around for change. Then bokoharram come to ruin the little he has strugled so hard to build and he is left with no choice than to run to the land of every...Lagos.

Staying under a bridge or a slum in lekki or Adeniji becomes his best option. Meshai (selling tea) doesnt work, having a bike seems impossible, shoe making...not viable, what does he do? He resolves to begging today, eating from the trash tomorrow and God knows what else the day after.

Sad but true, death seems to flee from such people, a minute seems like eternity and all hope is lost.

Northerners are being killed on a daily basis, attacks and bombings is the order of the day. You want to cause a minor chaos, try using fireworks anywhere around!

We can only hope and pray things get better.

Scary but true!